Friday, July 10, 2020

The Ugly Truth About "The Big Chop"

Being a black woman is exhausting. Within our community and outside of the circle. 
Tiffany Haddish did The Big Chop on Instagram Live a few days ago. And everyone gasped. Is she mentally unstable? Let's pray for our girl. And then remarks of how unattractive she looked comparing her appearance to men. 
Well chopping off all of your hair isn't always pretty. 
I've been natural for maybe 6 or 7 years. 
The first time I big chopped I thought it was something that I really wanted to do. 
After joining natural hair groups, running through YouTube I thought I was ready. Unfortunately the day I decided to cut my hair I was having a manic episode. 
I grabbed the scissors and just started cutting. When I was done I was a patchy ass mess. I went to bed in tears. When I woke up I asked my husband was it true that I cut my hair off and he looked at me agitated as hell and said yes. I called off of work, again in tears. 
I went to a woman barber to fix my hair. I called and asked for a big chop to cut off all of my remaining relaxed hair. To my surprise she had no idea what I was talking about. My delusion that all black women knew about the "Big Chop."
 She shaped me up and it was still ugly as hell. I cried some more. 
I went to a male barber and told him to even it up. Embarrassed that I was in a barber shop with all men, as they questioned me about why I would cut my hair. What was my man's thoughts. And how they wouldn't allow their woman to do this. 

Over the next year I went through phases  like going through puberty all over again. Growing into my looks. So many awkward phases. 
Its doesn't help when society is bashing your journey. I remember how insecure I felt each month that my hair grew. The stares and questions I would get. People saying I thought you would have good hair.
The shame I felt because I didn't know how to even care for these new "unmanageable" strands growing from my scalp. So I dyed it hoping it would make me feel prettier. Make my hair more acceptable. 
I've been on this journey for years now. 
I've big chopped 4 times shaved and embraced all of the stages. Wasted money on "Natural hair" products.
 Had failed Bantu knots and twistouts. 
And am still learning to love my kinks and coils. 
I wish that we could embrace and I mean truly love our sisters and ourselves the way we say we love them. 
There is a lot of growth as to how we judge each others looks. 
We still don't like black features, black hair, or black vernacular. 

Shaved Head

2 Months

4 Months

2 Years Natural

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